Forgiving Your Infertility

Along with learning to deal with infertility, I have learned how important it is to forgive my infertility.  It's never really easy, but it is necessary.  I will often harbor ill feelings towards someone without even knowing it.  I catch myself losing patience with them and realize I have a problem with them.  When I begin investigating why I may feel this way, it most often comes down to a comment that was said or something they have done in regards to my infertility.  I can't get those feelings to change until I really forgive them.

Sure, if you struggle with infertility or if you have lost a baby you have often blamed the medical field.  They could have surely done something different, discovered my problem earlier, or been smart enough to diagnose my syndrome sooner.  It is easy to blame them for our issues, but you can't.  You need to realize they are human and are not all knowing. We can't blame them even though it would be so much easier if we could!

Do you blame God for what you have had to go through?  It's not fair that its this difficult to conceive and so incredibly easy for others.  It would be so easy for God to change this for you, He is ultimately in control right?  Do you harbor intense anger towards Him?  I know I have at times, and I know it is extremely difficult to forgive God when you are filled with so much anger.  Anger and not being able to forgive go hand in hand.  If you can remove your anger from the situation, you will most likely be able to see the entire situation a little clearer and therefore be able to forgive.  Yes, God is in control of everything that has happened to you and everything that will happen to you.  He is not doing this to you to anger you, but instead He is shaping you for your future.

Are you trying to forgive yourself, but can't?  Maybe you have never even considered this as a problem before.  I know I blamed my body for not working properly.  It was obviously my body's fault for losing the twins, the doctors even said so.  Knowing that my body failed is a pretty heavy burden to carry, and until I realized this I was extremely bitter and angry.  You may need to forgive your body of its shortcomings, incompetent cervix and all.

Once you have forgiven others for hurting you with their comments, forgiven your medical staff for their human faults, forgiven God for allowing everything to happen to you, and forgiven your body of its shortcomings life will be "lighter."  You will be able to remove the anger and bitterness you are harboring.  You will have this overwhelming feeling of freedom!  The chains that were holding you back before will disappear!  You will be able to focus on your future, your medical treatments & procedures, and your relationships with others.  It will be easier for you to move forward.

Depending on your infertility, you may need to learn to forgive the same people over and over.  With each miscarry and loss, and with each year of medical treatment that passes comes more situations in which we need to forgive.  We are called to forgive over and over, just as Christ forgives us.

Then Peter came to Him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sings against me? Seven times?" No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!"  

Matthew 18:21-22

I pray that if this is what you are struggling with forgiveness today, you will find the freedom like I have that is found in forgiveness!  I can only speak from experience when I say that it is such an incredible feeling to finally let all that anger and bitterness go!  You deserve to feel free from these chains!