Forgiving Your Infertility

Along with learning to deal with infertility, I have learned how important it is to forgive my infertility.  It's never really easy, but it is necessary.  I will often harbor ill feelings towards someone without even knowing it.  I catch myself losing patience with them and realize I have a problem with them.  When I begin investigating why I may feel this way, it most often comes down to a comment that was said or something they have done in regards to my infertility.  I can't get those feelings to change until I really forgive them.

Sure, if you struggle with infertility or if you have lost a baby you have often blamed the medical field.  They could have surely done something different, discovered my problem earlier, or been smart enough to diagnose my syndrome sooner.  It is easy to blame them for our issues, but you can't.  You need to realize they are human and are not all knowing. We can't blame them even though it would be so much easier if we could!

Do you blame God for what you have had to go through?  It's not fair that its this difficult to conceive and so incredibly easy for others.  It would be so easy for God to change this for you, He is ultimately in control right?  Do you harbor intense anger towards Him?  I know I have at times, and I know it is extremely difficult to forgive God when you are filled with so much anger.  Anger and not being able to forgive go hand in hand.  If you can remove your anger from the situation, you will most likely be able to see the entire situation a little clearer and therefore be able to forgive.  Yes, God is in control of everything that has happened to you and everything that will happen to you.  He is not doing this to you to anger you, but instead He is shaping you for your future.

Are you trying to forgive yourself, but can't?  Maybe you have never even considered this as a problem before.  I know I blamed my body for not working properly.  It was obviously my body's fault for losing the twins, the doctors even said so.  Knowing that my body failed is a pretty heavy burden to carry, and until I realized this I was extremely bitter and angry.  You may need to forgive your body of its shortcomings, incompetent cervix and all.

Once you have forgiven others for hurting you with their comments, forgiven your medical staff for their human faults, forgiven God for allowing everything to happen to you, and forgiven your body of its shortcomings life will be "lighter."  You will be able to remove the anger and bitterness you are harboring.  You will have this overwhelming feeling of freedom!  The chains that were holding you back before will disappear!  You will be able to focus on your future, your medical treatments & procedures, and your relationships with others.  It will be easier for you to move forward.

Depending on your infertility, you may need to learn to forgive the same people over and over.  With each miscarry and loss, and with each year of medical treatment that passes comes more situations in which we need to forgive.  We are called to forgive over and over, just as Christ forgives us.

Then Peter came to Him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sings against me? Seven times?" No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!"  

Matthew 18:21-22

I pray that if this is what you are struggling with forgiveness today, you will find the freedom like I have that is found in forgiveness!  I can only speak from experience when I say that it is such an incredible feeling to finally let all that anger and bitterness go!  You deserve to feel free from these chains! 

Under the Sycamore

I have been feeling like I need a miracle lately, and I see them all around me in other people's lives.  I expect God to show up for them and save the day.  However, I don't think I truly whole-heartedly believe God will deliver me a miracle, or maybe I don't think I deserve a miracle sometimes?

Well, I came across this fantastic post that really got me thinking.  I don't normally link to other author's blog posts (actually I don't know if I ever have), but I am willing to change things around here for this post! I needed this reminder of how much MORE faith I could have.  I have to EXPECT God to show up in miraculous ways, in order to receive a miracle from Him!  After as many losses as I have gone through, a positive and faith-filled outlook is not the easiest to have.  However, I am beginning to think it is essential for me.

If you are struggling with accepting that God could deliver you a miracle, or that no job is too big for God to conquer; I strongly encourage you to read this blog post by Ashley.  My friend told me about her blog about a year ago, and I have been an avid reader ever since.  Now, I will admit I began following her blog, Under the Sycamore, because of her awesome crafty tips and photography skills, but have gained so much more from her.

She has an incredibly positive outlook on life that is contagious.  Head on over to her blog and leave her some love and encouragement! I will warn you though, her blog will get a hold of you and not let you go for hours!  You will want to keep reading all of her past posts, and I don't blame you!  Sit and stay awhile, and she just might teach you a thing or two :)

Is Infertility Contagious?

I can't help but feel at times that people think my infertility is contagious.  I know right off the bat this may sound ridiculous to you, but this blog is a place for me to try and help other's understand me (or someone else struggling with infertility/infant loss) better so I will try and explain it.

The harder our life seems to get, the more friends I feel i've lost.  I truly feel like some people want to stay as far away from me as possible, as if they can catch what I have.  Now, granted, so many of my friends and family are also dealing with infertility or the loss of an infant.  It's scary to think that this many families, these days, are dealing with such heartache and trials.  However, I have never read a single piece of research on how you can catch infertility from one another.  So, we need to surround and comfort each other, not distance ourselves out of fear or lack of knowledge in the subject matter.

News Flash: Infertility is NOT contagious!

As soon as I hear infertility and/or multiple miscarriages and/or the loss of an infant

 is contagious I'll stay at home in a bubble until a vaccine is invented! 

My promise to you!

After we have endured tougher and tougher things like losing the twins, I often feel like my friends don't feel equipped enough to support us anymore so they keep a good distance away.  No one quite knows if they should encourage us to try again, like they have in the past, or suggest adoption or surrogacy.  Everyone wants us to be happy, but unfortunately no one knows what advice will get us there.  So, as a result, I get shut out.

I often blame myself.  I must be a drag to be with and come with too much baggage.  No one, wants to be depressed therefore; steer clear of the girl whose life is depressing.  This may sound like i'm exaggerating, but i'm not.  I'm really trying to convey how I feel at times, which is often lonely.  I know a lot of my friends don't know what I am going through, but here's the best thing, you aren't required to!  I don't need advice on moving forward with infertility treatments or adoption or surrogacy, I just need you to be my friend just like before.  I have doctors and specialists to discuss my options with, and Ferrari and I research and pray about all of our decisions for the future.  I am not trying to sound harsh, I'm just trying to give you the green light to be normal again.  A pedicure? Why, that sounds so relaxing! A lunch date?  I would love to!  Shopping? Yes Please!  I need some days where I can relax, have fun, and just hang out.  Trust me, I long for the days when things don't have to be so deep.  Dealing with my doctor's appointments, tests, and decisions is exhausting!  The best prescription I could give myself is some good old fashion girl time :)  Let's be real, Ferrari is the most amazing husband, but he kind of stinks in this department!  He can't stand shopping; which retail therapy happens to be proven very effective in my book :)

On the flip side, there are times when I just might need you to sit and listen and nod occasionally :) So, if you don't know what to say, relax, you don't have to say anything at all.  I am really good at bringing the topic of infertility/ loss up myself and just leaning on you as a listening ear.  You don't have to solve the problem but just do the routine, smile and nod, or offer a hug :)  When I'm not in the mood to discuss it, I won't bring it up.  I have found it easier to leave this ball in my court.  Then you never upset me by catching me off guard.  (You seriously wouldn't believe some of the places people deem it necessary to walk up to me and point blank ask me how "emotionally" i'm doing, dealing with everything i've been through)

I hope these suggestions help and don't make you feel like i'm always telling you what to do/not to do.  I just feel these are unchartered waters for most, so these few suggestions can help keep feelings from being hurt in the future.  I want to give you the tools to be around girls struggling with this stuff, instead of just staying far away.

Vintage Boots

Lately, I don't have anything super encouraging to say. I've had some hard days recently so I have been seeking out others to encourage me. A friend from church sent this video to me and I want to share it with you. I know you will enjoy it as much as I have.

Her name is Hosanna Wong,
and her passion reminds me to have faith and hope in what God has promised!

Visit her website spitinthemud.com

You can find like her on FB at facebook.com/hosannapoetry
follow her on twitter at twitter.com/hosannapoetry
or email her at hosannawongpoetry@gmail.com