Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Letter to the Lord

Not quite sure why I came across this letter this morning, but I figure it is because someone needs to read it.  That person may be just be me, or that person may be you.  So, I thought I'd share it just in case.  The letter was written the day we went to our ultrasound appointment and there was no longer a heartbeat...

February 10, 2011
Today was a hard day.  I often wonder how many more of these I can take.  Then I reflect on those days after we lost the twins and that overwhelming feeling of you never letting my feet touch the floor.  It is days like that, that help me find the strength I need to move forward.  I know you are not done with me yet.  
I try and focus on the promises You made to us.  The promise to bless us if we are faithful and not to harm us.  The promise to give us hope and a future.  Well, today, more than ever, I want to focus on the future.  I truly am excited to see what You have in store for us because of Your promise that better things are still to come.
Please watch over my 5th child that way You have been caring for my first 4.  I thank You for loving on them while I physically can't, and for telling them stories about me since they don't really know me.  I promise to mother any children you bring into my home just like they are my own.  If your will for my life is to provide a home to orphans, I will do it gladly.  I have so much love to give!  I want what You want for my life.  I want to put aside selfish ambitions for Your plan.  I want Your plan for my life, to be my plan for my life.  I love you Lord, and I know you love me.  I have faith that my future holds a chance for me to parent children.  Now, I must wait patiently for that day to come!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

A Confession and some HUGE NEWS!

     First off, I have a confession to make.  I am breaking one of my blogging rules.  There are really only three rules I have: #1: Don't blog in Bed, #2: Don't blog about stuff Ferrari doesn't want shared, and #3: Don't "drink" and blog.  Ferrari has given me the go ahead about what I'm going to post, and I haven't had a sip of alcohol in a couple weeks, so that would leave me blogging in bed.  OOPS!  I do, however, feel like it is ok to break this rule because we were out of town all weekend which left me with so much to do in such a short amount of time once returning home.
     Now that I got that off my chest, I am excited to share with you some HUGE news.  Some news that I have been wanting to share for a LONG TIME, but I wanted to wait for the perfect time!  Tonight it is... 


     We finished the classes, completed the paperwork and home study, and are now currently waiting to be picked out of the matchbook! You can see our match letter here!  This process has truly been eye opening, we have learned so much about each other and about what God wants for our lives.  We seriously could not be more excited!!  Yes, this process is hard and we continue to pray for patience daily!  If you can imagine being pregnant without a due date, that is about the best way for me to describe to you how I feel.
     I have been thinking and planning nonstop for years about what the nursery would look like for our baby, and now I actually get to turn our empty nursery into the perfect "nest" to bring our little one home to!
     Not a day goes by that I don't think about the babies we have waiting for us in heaven, and the future babies that we will get the opportunity to bring into our earthly home.  We don't know what, who, or how many we will be blessed with, but what we do know is that we are so beyond excited and prepared to be parents!


     I was so lucky to spend yesterday with a group of fellow bloggers at 
the Elevate Blog Conference in Huntington Beach, California!!  

     I am so proud of myself, YOLO... (ok, no I don't use the term YOLO frequently, in fact other than joking about the phrase with Ferrari, it's never come out of my mouth.  I was so confused the first time I heard it, and even more stumped when I began hearing it everywhere so I gave in and googled it.  YOLO for those of you who don't know, means You Only Live Once.  I apologize for the long side note!)  But, I really am proud of myself for going when I knew that I wouldn't "know" anyone other than from reading their blogs.  A couple years ago, I would have never ventured to another state to attend an event where I wouldn't know anyone.  Just one more positive thing that came out of my babies' short lives, they have taught me that I only live once and I better make this life worth living!
     So, back to the event, I learned so much and had such a great time connecting with other women with similar interests.  One woman in particular I was especially excited to meet, I'm sure many of you have heard of her and possibly know her whole story because she is THE BIG TIME in blogland... I met Ashley from Lil Blue Boo!  I know, I know, contain yourself readers!!  This woman's blog is a daily inspiration to me.  You can read more of her story HERE but in short the last 365 days of her life have been filled with trial after trial, her daddy died unexpectedly, she had a miscarriage, and she was diagnosed with cancer.  Her mantra is to CHOOSE JOY, and through her trials has blogged just about every bit of it.  She writes about the good, the bad, and the ugly, and so so so much more!

     I never thought in a million years I would get to meet Ashley, let alone take a picture with her, or hear her speak at a conference.  We even got to spend a few minutes chatting about writing through loss and trials, and how sharing your story can and has helped so many people.

     I just want to say thank you to the girls behind the Elevate Conference!  Go check out their blogs and give them some love!!  Summer from Made By Munchie's Momma and Jen from Delighful Deets, the two of you did a FANTASTIC job, I hope it's an annual event.  The conference was SO much fun, very informative, and the decor was drool worthy!  Hopefully I can steal some other bloggers photos once they upload some, because I did a horrible job at taking pics!  I got a few with my phone though just to give you an idea!  Above is the snack bar, our craft project, our  swag bag full of goodies, and of course my new CHOOSE JOY bracelet!