Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Fight of Your Life

Do you ever sit in church and feel like the pastor is only speaking to you, like God gave him the message just so you could hear it that morning? Well, I have had this happen quite a few times, but never like what I just encountered a couple Sundays ago. In fact, it was so on point, I questioned wether Ferrari had been feeding inside information to the pastor just so he could tell us what we needed to hear :)

My church started an amazing series called "David-The Making of a Champion." This particular message was entitled "Stepping into The Fight." The fight being the fight of our life. Each of us having an individual and different fight than the next person. There have been multiple times that I have viewed this infertility and loss field I seem to be stuck in as the "Fight of My Life!" I seem to be battling quite a few opponents such as time itself, my body, the medical staff and their options for me, and MY desires and will for my life. Pastor suggested to make the fight of your life not about you, but rather focused on WHO you can bless around you in the process. How can God use you?

My battles seem insurmountable to others, I only know this because of how many comments I receive on a daily basis. Here is my response, there are things going on in other's lives that seem insurmountable to me! I can deal with what God has given me, because I am sold on living out my life to better those around me in spite of what I have gone through and will go through. I CAN NOT focus and dwell on my sorrows, I HAVE to focus on walking along side others in pain. God does not call me to fix other women's problems with infertility and loss, but rather to mourn with them. I truly believe He has called me to be their comforter! God uses your past to prepare you for what He has planned!

It is easy to focus and dwell on how huge some of the decisions are that Ferrari and I need to make in the near future. However, what will that help me gain? Nothing! We need to focus on the fact that the battle is the Lord's and He is here walking us through it! I know there is a sweet ending on the other side, and I can't wait to look back at how God brought me to where I am! The decisions seem too heavy and hard get through, but the truth is we WILL overcome!

It makes me think back to when I was 15 and studying for my driver's test. I was scared out of my mind, and stressed beyond belief for the test. (My parents were begging me to go take the test, because I kept make up excuses to get out of it. What 16 yr old isn't knocking on the DMV's door to take the test?) I prepared and studied for days, practiced and thought I was ready for the test of my life. Only to find out that I would fail my first try, and have to go home and practice more and try again the following day. That next day I passed with flying colors and couldn't believe the weight that was lifted off my shoulders. The task that seemed so difficult and unattainable was accomplished. It was such a sweet feeling to look back at all the hard work, stress, and struggles and realize that mountain wasn't as big as I had originally thought. I got through it, and now it is comical how stressed out I was for that test. I can't believe I was convinced that test was seriously going to be the hardest thing I would ever have to do in life.
The point is when you are in the thick of the battle, it is hard to understand why God would have you there. The good news is, God trusts you with the specific battles He has marked out for your life, and He is not cursing you but blessing you. He is forming you for your future. It might be for things you will endure later in life, or maybe to bless those around you as they encounter similar things. If your future seems to look a lot like Goliath, try adopting faith like that of David. David knew this was the battle God called him to, regardless of what others around him said. He knew his past had prepared him for what God had in store, and that he could trust God to deliver him through to the end.
Have faith and trust God, He does know what He is doing!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

In their Honor

I think I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the twin's birthday for a while now. I wasn't quite sure how I would feel or what I would want to do that day. People kept asking us what the plan was, and we honestly couldn't answer them because we weren't sure. I absolutely hate when people flake out on me and change their plans, so I was not about to make a bunch of plans and then have to cancel them because we just didn't feel like doing them. I tried to play it safe and just see what the day brought. I am so glad we did it this way, because I don't think we were prepared for the emotions we had that morning.

Ferrari and I have coffee every morning, it is sort of our time to connect with each other, with God, and prepare ourselves for the day ahead. We were both on edge and didn't have too much patience that morning (understandably.) What was even more frustrating then not having patience with each other was the fact that we KNEW we didn't have patience; and we knew why, but we couldn't really change it. That is just how we felt! We had to stop and pray and really ask God for the strength to get through the day. I kept telling Ferrari we can get through this, remember a year ago- everything God carried us through back then! (I was half way telling him this to support him, but also because I needed to hear it myself)

We headed down to the cemetery to see their memorial stone. This was the first time we got to see their marker in the ground, and it was beautiful!

After we visited the twins we headed home to load up the Owl Love You Forever boxes, all 196 of them! Most of them fit in my Tahoe, but the rest we stacked in my in-law's jeep!

The donations would be made at Banner Good Samaritan in Phoenix, because that is where the twins were born. I spoke with one of the nurses that delivered Arie and Hadilyn, she informed me that on average Good Samaritan Hospital would have to walk 500 families through the tragedy of losing their infant.

When we first arrived and the staff saw just how many boxes we had to donate, they weren't quite sure where we would put them all. We did some rearranging and found a way to store all the boxes by gender in 3 different closets.

We pretty much stacked boxes from the floor to the ceiling in these narrow closets.

The hospital staff was quite curious to see what was in all these white boxes, once we told them they were for the bereavement program everyone was so appreciative. I am pretty sure because of the recession, the hospital had to eliminate all of the nurses assistants. By doing so, this means the nurses themselves must be equipped when a situation arises in which a family will lose their infant. I purposely designed these boxes to include everything you would need to help a family have a memorable experience with their baby for the few short hours they may be given.

Wouldn't it be amazing to have these boxes in every hospital? Think of the families that end up delivering in say an emergency room. The medical staff in an emergency room is not equipped nor trained to deal with this kind of situation. In result, families that lose their baby in this atmosphere lose out on the kind of experience I had. They don't always get to bathe and dress their baby, and have time for family photos. With each hospital storing a few of these boxes, they would be able to create such a better experience for these deserving families!
Remember, you can donate a complete box online at www.owlloveyouforever.org