Wednesday, October 15, 2014

We have come so far...

So far from the birth and death of Arie and Hadilyn, so far from the depths of the deepest grief a Mommy can know, and so far from the start of Owl Love You Forever!
Photo from Dusty Perez at

     Every time someone close to me experiences the loss of a baby, it brings me right back to May 24, 2010.  Not in a bad way, just in a way that keeps the feelings and emotions alive in me.  It doesn't upset me, or hurt me when something is brought up.  Losing my twins was what hurts, not bringing up their memory.  
     Today being National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, the memory of my twins is vivid and at the fore front of my mind.  We were blessed on their birthday to have lots of pictures taken.  Sure, not every picture is great- ok most are good at best but I CAN NOT fathom even deleting a single one from that day.  So, there are a few hundred to go through :) But, every so often I open the folder and flip through the images.  And most times tears roll down my cheeks as I focus on their miniature features and their micro-preemie sized clothes.  However, today I was awestruck at all the other people in the photos.  As I flipped through, there are dozens of friends, family, and even extended family at our bedside.  We ARE so blessed to have had that much support on THE hardest day of our lives.  We are beyond blessed that there are hundreds of others that have lifted us up since that day!  We have an entire church behind us, praying us through the tough times and rejoicing with us and celebrating our 2 living children.  Can you imaging going through such an enormous loss without the Lord and without a good support system?  But there ARE women doing this alone!  I can literally feel my heart break for them.  Who will dry their tears and surround them with the peace that passes understanding?  
     Today is filled with lots of emotions.  Anger, bitterness, guilt, sadness, emptiness but also joy.  Joy that I got to finally hold two of my children in my arms on that day in May.  Joy that today we have come SO much farther than where we were on October 15, 2010.  It is still a bit taboo to talk about a child that has died, but with social media and SO many women banding together to stand up and say their child's name and to break the silence; we are on the right path!  We aren't done yet, and there is still lots of work to be done.  If you have lost a child, consider doing something tangible in their honor.  Not only today, but all throughout the year!  I can't explain how much healing I have received from starting Owl Love You Forever.  Being able to tell their story and share about their lives no matter how short they were!  Focusing on other families grieving the loss of a child, truly fulfills me and brings purpose to my babies' lives.  I can "mother" them on this side of heaven, by supporting others in their honor.  No family should ever have to go through this, and I don't have the power to stop it from happening again.  BUT, I do have the power to stand up for these families.  I can vow to do my part to help them not feel alone.  To be there for them in their greatest time of need.  To be a voice in the darkness when they feel abandoned by their friends or family.  I can direct them to the Lord, because He is truly who carried me through those dark days.  What can you do?  What can you do in honor of your child, niece, nephew, grandchild, or sibling?  
     Owl Love You Forever is focused on providing care boxes to every family that loses a baby in the state of Arizona.  That is hundreds of boxes being donated a year.  That means, hundreds of supplies needed.  OLYF is extremely low on supplies, so please consider making a donation in an angel baby's honor!  Also, check out their WISH LIST as of today!