February 10, 2011
Today was a hard day. I often wonder how many more of these I can take. Then I reflect on those days after we lost the twins and that overwhelming feeling of you never letting my feet touch the floor. It is days like that, that help me find the strength I need to move forward. I know you are not done with me yet.
I try and focus on the promises You made to us. The promise to bless us if we are faithful and not to harm us. The promise to give us hope and a future. Well, today, more than ever, I want to focus on the future. I truly am excited to see what You have in store for us because of Your promise that better things are still to come.
Please watch over my 5th child that way You have been caring for my first 4. I thank You for loving on them while I physically can't, and for telling them stories about me since they don't really know me. I promise to mother any children you bring into my home just like they are my own. If your will for my life is to provide a home to orphans, I will do it gladly. I have so much love to give! I want what You want for my life. I want to put aside selfish ambitions for Your plan. I want Your plan for my life, to be my plan for my life. I love you Lord, and I know you love me. I have faith that my future holds a chance for me to parent children. Now, I must wait patiently for that day to come!