Owl Love You Forever

I don't think I have ever kept a new year's resolution, let alone finish one early! However, I can say that I successfully achieved one of my resolutions a quarter of the way through the year!

Yes it is true... my Non-Profit organization is official! Check it Out!

Owl Love You Forever was conceived after going through the loss of our twins and then walking with our cousins when they lost their baby girl. Our desire is to help families experiencing similar situations to feel loved and comforted. We realize so few people know how to help or what to say. Providing boxes to families, who only have a short amount of time with their baby at the hospital, is one way to help. The boxes include items that are meaningful in these unfortunate circumstances.

Please help us provide support and memories for these grieving families.

www.owlloveyouforever.org

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The Encourager gets Encouraged

So, I realize I have been MIA for a while, I apologize. I have been so incredibly busy I haven't been able to sit down and write. I have what seems to be a million ideas for blog posts floating around in my head, but I haven't been able to take the time to sit down and think them through.

So here we go!

This past weekend was a huge weekend for me. My brother-in-law got married to the love of his life on Friday night. Due to the fact that his bride is from England, she was waiting across the pond until her VISA came through which happened to come in at the last moment possible. So, you are looking at the fill in wedding planner for her. She told me all her ideas via skype and email, and I made them happen. Needless to say, come Saturday morning I was ready for a vacation.

I didn't get the relaxation trip I thought I needed (you know the one to the 5 star spa complete with massage and facial), but instead spent the entire day with a bus full of 40 women who have all lost children. We drove up to a remote retreat center, to spend the day with God and each other. I told a few people about the retreat I was going on, and I have to be honest most people thought I was crazy. They didn't get why I would want to spend my day with a whole bunch of heartbroken women.

Well, let me tell you a little something about women who have lost children. We like to be together, we like to support each other, and we like to comfort one another. We all speak the same language, and we all understand the pain and heartache we are feeling. We don't have to apologize for the tears, or for the fist pumping in anger. We GET each other. I know my friends and family can get tired of me saying the same things over and over, and what I can't help is the fact that I feel the need to always repeat myself. When I relive moments that are painful out loud to my friends and family I know it isn't the most enjoyable conversation, but there are some days when that is what I NEED to do. I try not to always talk about my loss because I don't want to depress everyone around me. This bus provided an environment where we could all talk about our children in heaven and not feel like the people listening wished we would just stop talking about it already!

The funny thing is, I was on this bus as an "encourager" to show women how to make purpose out of our pain. I don't know how many women I encouraged, but I do know there were SO many that encouraged me. I met some incredible women! Some with far more heartbreaking stories than my own. I know there are days when I feel like a complete outcast, I am 24 years old and have 5 children in heaven. Who else has gone through that much loss? The feelings of isolation and failure creep into my heart and mind daily. Hearing other women's stories puts everything in my life into perspective and reminds me to be thankful for what I do have. God could allow so much more to happen to me, but He hasn't. He has me where I am today for a reason. I hope that doesn't come out sounding wrong, it is kind of hard to explain.

All in all, the trip did re-energize me, "emotionally." My body didn't recover from the craziness of all the wedding events, but my soul did! My heart was rejuvenated and I went home feeling like I could tackle what Satan throws my way next!

I know this was kind of a random post filled with different thoughts, but it came from the heart. It resembles the completely chaotic mess of thoughts in my head. There are some days when I just have so much to say but still need to figure out how to break it down into different posts so my fellow readers don't think I'm rambling :) yes, I try and organize my thoughts for you, you all are in my best interest!

Father, forgive them...

I received an email the other day from a reader requesting a post on how infertility can be embarrassing and shameful. I can honestly say these emotions at times can take over. We don't know who we can trust, who we can talk to, and who even cares. Infertility is such a misunderstood disease. If you haven't walked the road, you don't know what it's like. Not to mention every woman handles it differently, so how I wanted to be treated may not be how someone else struggling with infertility may want to be treated. However, what we all have in common is how hurt we can get from people's comments.

A very wise woman told me, "When someone makes an inappropriate comment to you regarding infertility or your loss, try and remember one phrase- Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Jesus said this in Luke 23:34, when He had the strength to call out to God to forgive those who were causing Him pain. This verse has been a life saver for me. When I feel like screaming at someone for being insensitive, this scripture calms me back down. There is such truth to this statement, because without walking in our shoes most people really don't even know their comments are causing us pain. I'm going to be honest, it's not always easy to forgive whoever makes the comment, but I can get myself to a place where I forgive them because I acknowledge they didn't even know they were hurting me.

Those of you who also suffer from infertility and/or loss completely understand me when I say how isolated and alone we feel. Day to day tasks are hard, things spark our emotions and send us in a tail spin and there seems to be no one around to talk to that would "get it."

I mean come on, is it just me, or does it seem like everyone and their cousin is having a set of twins. I never really noticed twins before I had my own, and now I swear I see a set every day. Pregnant women seem to be taking over target and the mall, I just cant seem to escape them. The last thing I need while trying to make it through a party or family get together is someone pointing out how I have "no children, but I will someday." After someone tells me this, and I am over the initial shock and have touched up make-up after crying in the bathroom; I have to force myself to recite that little phrase. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." (or say) Yes, I added that last little part, but it is the words that seem to hurt the most. People say the wildest, weirdest, and rudest comments. I want to crawl in a cave and just cry, and I would love someone to be waiting in the cave to cry with me but unfortunately most people just don't understand what I'm feeling.

Infertility is such a terribly painful disease, and for the most part people don't talk about. If i'm willing to talk about it, most people are not wanting to listen because they get uncomfortable and they don't understand it. This blog has been such an amazing outlet for me, I get to talk about it and those that want to listen and try and understand can read what I have to say. I think it has been great for my friends and family to understand me better.

If you know someone struggling with infertility or dealing with the aftermath of an infant loss please please take one thing away from this entry, be careful of what you say. Words have a way of piercing the soul and will stay with you forever. If you don't know what TO say, silence or a hug can speak volumes. Please don't just try and fill silence with empty chatter, because this is the time when words will slip out of your mouth that you didn't plan on saying or meaning. Really think about something before you say it and if you think for some reason at all it could offend someone, DON'T SAY IT. As helpful as you want to be, realizing that all you might be able to do is be the shoulder for her to cry on, embrace that job. Your friend needs someone like you to just be there, that's it!