A Tale of Choice

I have been attending a Bible study at my church based on the life of David.  During the past 8 weeks we have watched David as a young boy sling a stone and kill a giant, rise as King, and fall in times of sin and despair.  Bits and pieces have spoken to me more than others, one event of course standing out- when David loses his son.  He was "the man after God's own heart," and yet he made oh so many mistakes, and if I can be honest, he could possibly be entered in the Guinness Book of World Records for how many times he majorly messed up.  The one thing I kept noticing throughout the study was how many people were affected by things that he did or didn't do.  I think at times, he was completely unaware of how his actions were affecting others.  If only he could have lived in the iPhone age, then maybe his many wives, servants, and children could have tweeted or Facebooked him to keep him in the loop.

Reality is everything we do or go through- the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly- has the ability to affect so many people, especially in our social media obsessed world.  You can now notify every person you know the moment something occurs, and you can even snap a photo of it, thanks to smart phones.

I have learned to embrace where I'm at, and to own my mistakes and celebrate my victories.  People can relate to you if you are real.  I have never been one to have many "girl-friends," perhaps because I didn't really feel like I connected with them.  I was always better at being friends with the guys.  When Ferrari and I started dating in high school, all of that quickly changed.  For some odd reason he wasn't ok with me hanging with the guys anymore ;)   Yet now meeting women seems to be a main part of my ministry.  Unfortunately, I now have a lot of "girl-friends" and I'm not saying that I don't treasure each and every one of them, because I love them all; I'm saying that the field of loss and infertility that I'm in, seems to be growing out of control.  There are more and more women in my field everyday.

I am contacted through this very blog, by email, and even by phone all the time.  I never in a million years would have thought that what I have been through, or my decision to start a blog could affect/help so many women.  I thought I was doing something for myself, creating a place to write about my emotions and the things that I was going through to help me gain a better understanding of my crazy life.  I had no idea God was knitting together a network of women that could care for and support each other.  I have been able to meet a few different women that have received Owl Love You Forever boxes in the hospital.  I can't even explain to you the feelings I get when I see the organization come full circle, like when I can hear each mother's story, see pictures of their baby wrapped in the blankets, or that they can't sleep without their stuffed owl in their arms.  God did not put us on this planet to live our life in solitude, not affecting others.  He purposely allows us to go through things, knowing that they will change our lives and those around us forever.

We may not have a choice on what He allows us to go through, 

but what we CAN choose is how we react moving forward.  

It would be very easy for me to sit in my bed and cry with the lights off, and trust me I have been tempted to do so on more than one occasion.  Satan can creep into my mind and assure me that I don't deserve all this heartache, and he will have me believing that God doesn't care about little 'ole me anymore.  I have to stop that thought process before it starts, because the mind is a very powerful tool the devil uses to destroy us.  I have to remain in God's word so that I can fight Satan with the Truth.  God has a bigger plan than what I can see or understand.  He allows each and every event to occur, because He is working them all together for my good.  I have to trust Him knowing His plan is pure perfection!

If you prefer to keep what you are going through a secret, I don't blame you because I have been there.  I never wanted to discuss my miscarriages or awkward doctor appointments, but I urge you to try.  You just might find healing in connecting with someone that has been there, or you might be able to help someone else get through what you have already been through.