Another Year Gone

     And yet again, another year is coming to an end.  I'm not sure why it feels as if life gets faster each year, do I fill my days with too much and not take the time to stop and think about today?  I know one of my greatest failures has been not focusing on the blessings of today but rather focusing on "what is coming next."  When I was in high school I LONGED to be in college, when I was in college I DREAMED of getting engaged, and when Ferrari and I got married all I could IMAGINE was life with a baby.  
     You know the saying, "Don't let life pass you by."  I never really took the time to think about it until I realized life WAS passing me by and without my permission!  I was throwing away precious days thinking about what I wanted to fill my life with instead of appreciating what God had given me.  I would focus on the suffering instead of the blessings.  My pastor mentioned this week to run through the valley of the shadow of death, don't camp out there.  Yes, it is important to walk through the valley sometimes, it shapes us in to the people God wants us to become.  However, God never intends for us to set up camp there!
     I read a devotional this morning talking about this very topic.  I LOVE how the author asked, "Are the best years of your life slipping away while you suffer enforced monotony?  Are you afflicted with opposition, misunderstandings, and the scorn of others?  Do your afflictions seem as thick as the undergrowth confronting someone hiking through a jungle? Then take heart!  Your time is not wasted, for God is simply putting you through His iron regimen.  Your iron crown of suffering precedes your golden crown of glory, and iron is entering your soul to make it strong and brave." F. B. Meyer
    Did you let another year slip away, focused on what remains just outside of your reach?  The good news is you can change TODAY, 2013 can be YOUR year!  Stop focusing on the monotony of your suffering, pack up your things and get out of the valley of the shadow of death.  God has great plans in store for you!  A wise friend once mentioned to me, "We go through what we go through, to help others go through, what we went through."  Look for opportunities to give your suffering meaning and purpose, it will help you as well as others.
     Lastly, enjoy TODAY, for today will never come again!  You can never undo it or redo it, so DO IT with a purpose and a plan!  Make every moment meaningful, because you never know what God has in store for you TOMORROW.  

Not mine, but Yours.

     As sinful humans, there are a lot of things in life that we have a difficult time understanding.  If we don't entirely understand it, that makes it incredibly difficult for us to accept and live life by it.  I'm referring to the different things on this earth that are not really ours, but God's.

     I was discussing with someone very close to me, the value and stronghold money can have on our lives.  We can get so wrapped up in the thought that every penny WE have earned, is OURS.  Who elses' would it be, we worked for it?  Well, as hard as it is to swallow, every penny belongs to God.       This notion is extremely easy for me to understand when it comes to money; however, it's not so easy for me to understand when I apply that same reasoning to my children in heaven.  

     I was expressing to Ferrari, how I feel like the twins were given to me and taken away.  It is SO extremely painful to have had them for such a short amount of time.  I felt robbed!  Why do other mothers get to see their children grow up and live full lives.  Why not me?  Why wouldn't God let me have that with my twins.  I was SO excited to raise twins.  I wanted to dress them alike.  I was eager to see the connection they would have with each other as they grew up.  Would they be best friends and always have each other's back at school?  How similar would they look, even if they weren't identical?  

     I'm so glad I married such a wise man, because he explained to me that I may have felt that way, but the twins were God's children all along.  He only allowed me to be their Mommy on earth for as long as He intended me to be.  It wasn't anything I did or didn't do, it wasn't my fault, or my husband's fault.  He wanted His children home with Him for reasons I won't completely understand on this side of Heaven.  So even though I may feel robbed of time with them, it's not right to completely feel that way over something that wasn't entirely mine to begin with.  I didn't earn the right to be their mother, it was a gift from God.  I know this is my HUGE area of struggle right now, and I know for other's it may be other things in life.  Every dollar we have to our name, every name brand pair of jeans or designer bag, a big beautiful home, these all seem like OUR possessions, but they are actually things God has entrusted to us for the time being. 

Can you imagine how different life would be if we all COMPLETELY understood that, and not only understood it, but changed the way we live because of it.  I doubt we would all have such a hard time giving our tithe to church on Sunday, or to wherever God has called you to give.  Life on this earth is short, how can you be the best steward of what God has entrusted you?  

12 Days of Christmas With You In Heaven

The holidays can be extremely difficult for a lot of people, especially for women who long to fill their home with children to share their holiday traditions with.  Thanks to Pinterest, it seems like every year there are more and more ideas on what to do with your children around the holidays.  But, where are all the ideas for what to do without your baby?  I HAVE FOUND a blog that is the Pinterest equivalent!!

If you are struggling with what to do this Holiday season because you've miscarried or lost a baby?  Please head over to Small Bird Studios and see her blog about the 12 Days of Christmas With You In Heaven series.  She did it last year too, and I LOVED all the ideas & giveaways!

I will also leave you with some words of encouragement.  I know I have mentioned before how much I love the devotional, Streams in the Desert.  Well, yesterday's passage hit it right on the head for us baby loss mommas.  So I thought I would share an excerpt of the devotional here... ENJOY!


Ice on trees will bend many a branch to the point of breaking.  Similarly, I see a great many people bowed down and crushed by their afflictions.  Yet every now and then I meet someone who sings in affliction, and then I thank God for my own circumstances as well as his.  There is ever a song more beautiful than that which is snug in the the night.  You may remember the story of a woman who, when her only child died, looked to heaven as with the face of an angel and said, "I give you joy, my sweet child."  That solitary, simple sentence has stayed with me for many years often energizing and comforting me.  Henry Ward Beecher 

E'en for the dead I will not bind 
my soul to grief:
Death connot long divide.
For is it not as though the rose
 that climbed my garden wall
Has blossomed on the other side?
Death does hide, but not divide; You are but on Christ's other side!
You are Christ, and Christ with me;
In Christ united still are we.