Thursday, December 6, 2012

Not mine, but Yours.

     As sinful humans, there are a lot of things in life that we have a difficult time understanding.  If we don't entirely understand it, that makes it incredibly difficult for us to accept and live life by it.  I'm referring to the different things on this earth that are not really ours, but God's.
     I was discussing with someone very close to me, the value and stronghold money can have on our lives.  We can get so wrapped up in the thought that every penny WE have earned, is OURS.  Who elses' would it be, we worked for it?  Well, as hard as it is to swallow, every penny belongs to God.       This notion is extremely easy for me to understand when it comes to money; however, it's not so easy for me to understand when I apply that same reasoning to my children in heaven.  
     I was expressing to Ferrari, how I feel like the twins were given to me and taken away.  It is SO extremely painful to have had them for such a short amount of time.  I felt robbed!  Why do other mothers get to see their children grow up and live full lives.  Why not me?  Why wouldn't God let me have that with my twins.  I was SO excited to raise twins.  I wanted to dress them alike.  I was eager to see the connection they would have with each other as they grew up.  Would they be best friends and always have each other's back at school?  How similar would they look, even if they weren't identical?  
     I'm so glad I married such a wise man, because he explained to me that I may have felt that way, but the twins were God's children all along.  He only allowed me to be their Mommy on earth for as long as He intended me to be.  It wasn't anything I did or didn't do, it wasn't my fault, or my husband's fault.  He wanted His children home with Him for reasons I won't completely understand on this side of Heaven.  So even though I may feel robbed of time with them, it's not right to completely feel that way over something that wasn't entirely mine to begin with.  I didn't earn the right to be their mother, it was a gift from God.  I know this is my HUGE area of struggle right now, and I know for other's it may be other things in life.  Every dollar we have to our name, every name brand pair of jeans or designer bag, a big beautiful home, these all seem like OUR possessions, but they are actually things God has entrusted to us for the time being. 
Can you imagine how different life would be if we all COMPLETELY understood that, and not only understood it, but changed the way we live because of it.  I doubt we would all have such a hard time giving our tithe to church on Sunday, or to wherever God has called you to give.  Life on this earth is short, how can you be the best steward of what God has entrusted you?  


  1. Well said Shayla. Since I lost Lily, God has slowly changed the way I think about Jake and Eisley, against my will of course! I have struggled with intense fears that God will "take" Jake and Eisley from me and I will be left with nothing. Over time He is changing my heart, and instead of thanking Him for giving them to me, I have had to change that to thanking Him for allowing me to spend five years, six years, now seven years as their mother, even if that is all I ever get.

    I have a good friend who lost her twins to a drowning accident at 2 years old. She has taught me a lot about the fact that God is merely granting us the gift of borrowing His children for awhile. Some are blessed with a lifetime, some a few years, and some only weeks. But we have all been blessed to borrow them for awhile, and it is up to us how we use that time as their parents. I believe someday we will all be responsible to answer His question, "What did you do with my children in the time I gave you with them?"

    Thank you for sharing your heart!

  2. Perfect post, Shayla.

    Regarding money, 100% is God's. He may ask for at least 10% back to His Kingdom, but He doesn't just look at what we give back, but what we keep. He blesses us to bless others.

    Regarding other things, even kids are His. Desires and dreams are His. Sometimes He gives us those desires to be fulfilled by Him. Sometimes He wants us to sacrifice them at the alter, much like Abraham did with Isaac. That's how I felt with motherhood. I KNOW I'm supposed to be a mom. So when God "withheld" that from me, I was upset. But then I realized that He has better plans and asked me to sacrifice that desire for something else.

    I had to. But He didn't say no to motherhood on earth (to either of us!) We can now see that you don't have to give birth to be a mommy and to feel the closest bond to a child that didn't grow under your heart, but in it!

    Looking back, I'd never change a thing about our fertility issues and miscarriage because if those didn't happen (and in their perfect timing) I wouldn't have my Baby J we get to adopt soon! I love him more than life and more than my past desires!

  3. aw, sweet mommy you are...God feels your heart, too. I lost my first baby...and my second babygirl has always longed for her sister. she asked me one time if she could name her, such sweet sisterly love...yet, her knowing she has a big sister she will spend eternity with has fulfilled her dream of a sister...she understands God's ways are not her ways, so she is eager to meet her in eternity. Our babies get to commune with the Maker of the Universe and they're holding a seat for us at His Feasting Table...Merry Christmas!

  4. Well said! You are a beautiful woman!

  5. Hi Shayla! Bethany Juarez sent me a link to your blog a long time ago because we have some things in common - PCOS, loss, etc. I hadn't checked up on your blog in quite a while and I'm so happy to see that you now have your adorable Audie Lynn! Thanks so much for faithfully sharing your story.