Tuesday, December 7, 2010

To tell or Not to Tell

I had an amazing weekend! I had the opportunity of taking a mini trip to Cottonwood on Saturday! A group of about 15 women went to a retreat center up there and we all just spent the day with God. Let me just tell you, it was exactly what I needed! I will most likely post more about this trip later. Sorry this was just a little teaser :)
For now, I want to discuss a topic that has come up a lot lately. On more than one occasion I have been asked if it is better to tell or not to tell friends and family when you get that Big Fat Positive Pregnancy Test!
If you are struggling with this decision, realize it is different for everyone. What is right for me, may not be right for you. I have had some experience in this area, so I though I'd share what I have learned thus far.
First off, PRAY PRAY PRAY! Ask God when it is a good time to share your good news. I promise you He will give you an answer! With our first pregnancy, Ferrari and I didn't want to tell anyone! We thought it was too big of a risk to tell people and then have to go "untell" them if we miscarried. We waited until after we saw the heartbeat on the first ultrasound. Once a heartbeat is detected your risk of miscarriage goes down. Our immediate families knew at this point and right as we began letting more people in on our secret, we lost the baby. It was hard having to "untell" our family and friends, but they were all there for us! It was nice having their support for Ferrari and I as we went through our first huge loss together. With our second pregnancy not very many people knew, and it was hard for me to grieve. People would see me upset and have no idea what I was going through so I would have to explain how I was pregnant, but lost the baby. It may just be my personal preference, but I would just rather people understand why i'm emotional rather than having to explain it. Those close to me know, once I start talking about what happened I can be a weepy woman, and I hate crying in public!
Another plus is the more people that know, the more PRAYER warriors you have in your corner. You can definitely never have too many people praying! With our third pregnancy we decided to let the church know so they could be praying as well. This turned out to be a huge plus for us! Our pastor asked us every week how we were doing and if the babies were good, and we would tell him yup everything is going great! He began encouraging us to join a small group, and Ferrari and I were hesitant at first but we went anyways. This turned out to be one of the best decisions we made! We gained an entire small group family that was there for us just a few short weeks later once we lost the twins. We could not have had a better support system waiting to rally around us as we dealt with the hardest thing we had gone through!
Yes, I will probably still be hesitant to let everyone know the next time I'm pregnant, because I'm human. I will sit down and reread this post, because I know how I should think. I am well aware that satan will try and creep into my mind and make me worry, but God is very clear about worrying.
He says in Matthew 6:34 "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I will choose to have faith in God, because I know His plan for my life is perfect.

Remember, with this technologically savvy world today- you better believe with facebook, blogs, twitter, email, and text messaging your news, good or bad, will travel fast! However, be considerate. If a friend tells you she is pregnant and you tell others her good news please; be sure to "untell" whoever you have told if she ends up miscarrying. (I know that sounds like a bad tongue twister, but I tried to write it differently and it wasn't coming out right) It is really hard facing someone, you didn't even know knew you were pregnant. They tell you congratulations and you have to explain what had happened. It is extremely awkward for all parties involved.


  1. The age old question! I don't know what we are going to do, especially since I opened up about the IVF on my blog. I might ask for people not to ask yay or nay for awhile. Just to have peace of mind and really of body. If the embryo doesn't take or I miscarry after my cycle I would let people know but I think it will be after the fact. Oh my it is such this is such a toughie.

  2. Ya, I will probably stick with announcing any future pregnancy after I see the heartbeat & once my doctor says its a good time. I have been wondering about this whole blog part of the equation as well! I have never had to deal with this side of it, so it might change who I tell and when. For instance, I always tell family and other friends who are trying first. It is always so hard for me to keep it a secret, because literally I'm sick on the floor at like week 6! YUCK! People, start to catch on :)