If Ferrari and I had never endured our first two miscarriages together, we would have reacted much differently when we lost the twins. God prepared our hearts and minds through those first two losses. He equipped us with a stronger faith in Him and a much stronger relationship as husband and wife before he led us into the most difficult season yet, burying our children. I will admit I never would have thought we could have done what we did. If you would have told me when I got married that I would lose 4 children, and have to bury 2 I would never believed you. I didn't think it was possible for me to have the strength to get through something like that. However, God is funny that way. He knows exactly what you need, when you need it. If you pray for patience, watch out because He will give you more opportunities than you could ever dream of in which you will have to display patience. If you pray for wisdom, heads up! God will give you more situations than you could imagine to display your discernment. As Christians, we want to grow. We strive to be better than the day before. I clearly remember attending a high school friend's funeral. He had gone to Mexico on spring break. upon his return he was diagnosed with Meningitis and passed a few short days later. Sitting at a friend's funeral when I was 20, I couldn't help but think about what an amazing life my friend had led. He was such a Godly man at such a young age. His memorial service was beautiful. I left thinking to myself, I want to leave a legacy too. I want people to remember me for not just good things, but great things! I prayed that day for God to stretch me and grow me. I asked to be used in other people's lives. God has given me situations already to help those who are hurting around me. I have had the opportunity to accompany an amazing friend of mine go through virtually the same thing with her baby girl, at the same hospital I had delivered the twins, just a mere 4 months prior. God's timing is impeccable, if I had not lost the twins when I did, I would not have been there to help my friend walk through her loss.
If you are holding on tightly to your own plan and timing, I encourage you to let go. Trust in the Lord! It's a great feeling! You will be amazed at how much God will stretch you and use you!