Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Highway of Infertility

I picture the road of infertility as more of a congested freeway in LA. If only the road of infertility had just one fork in it. Having to choose between the path to the left or the path to the right, would be complicated enough. However, infertility is more like 7 different exits, onramps, and detours. Many paths take you in a circle right back to where you started, and other ramps take you miles away from where you thought you were headed. When I first started feeling so lost and confused with where this journey was headed, I would get very angry and frustrated. I wanted God to simply tell me which lane on the freeway to take. Why should I have to make all these wrong turns before I get where I am needing to go?
Then I realized something. I would not be the woman I am today without all these detours. I wouldn't be as strong or nearly as faithful. I would still be leaning on my own understanding and my husband's strength to get me through. Instead of living my life completely out of faith in God and His plan for my life.
I have started to resent ever using the phrase "God is stretching me out really thin." I have shifted my thinking and phrasing, and now like to think of it as God enlarging me. Traveling down the different roads of loss, getting to a dead end with a treatment option, or trying to figure out what exit ramp to take next, God is using each of these situations to enlarge me. He is allowing me to grow more in faith, in my relationship with my husband, and most of all grow closer to Him. I probably would never voluntarily choose to take an extra detour on this infertility journey, but I am very thankful for each one of the detours I have taken. I have to focus on what I have learned about myself and how it shapes my future.
The next time you feel stretched too thin, remember God is enlarging you and teaching you something extremely valuable. You just have to be open and willing to look at it with a positive perspective, as opposed to the all too common "why me" response. (Which is the response I have been known to use all too often)
When I am having a particularly tough day it really helps me to go back and read past posts about what I have learned. It is such a great reminder to where God has brought me, verses where I was when I first started down this road. I don't think you will ever catch me saying I am thankful for going through infertility, but what I will say is how thankful I am for what I have learned from the painful situations. I am better for having gone through this process, my marriage is stronger because of it, and my relationship with Christ has never been better. The day to day may be tough, but knowing my future will be different because of where I have walked is a great encouragement to continue this journey.

4 comments:

  1. Wow Shayla! Amazing words from an amazing woman of the Lord! I agree completely! It's conflicting because you would never say you would wan tto go through all of it but wouldn't trade what God has shown you and this will become even clearer as He uses you in amazing ways that you could never have imagined!!!! Laura

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  2. Hopefully I'll be able to post on your blog, even though I couldn't on comment on my own!
    Of course none of us would choose to be on the BLM road but it certainly does force you to closely re-evaluate one's life, and what's truly important. Hopefully it leads us to be 'better' people in one way or another.

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  3. I couldn't help but think of how the Good Shepherd leads us as I read this post. It's different for each of, and always intended for our eventual joy and His glory. It can be a difficult course, as you rightly point out. Thank you for focusing us again on the beauty to come from ashes.

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