However, more than just words I am hoping to help people realize there needs to be a bigger change than just words, but also a change in their perception. One of the most hurtful things I have experienced is at parties or other large gatherings. The first thing people say to one another is the oh so common, "So what do you do for a living?" When I respond politely with, "I don't have a job, I stay at home." Their next question is, "So how many children do you have?" Then in my most patient voice, I respond with, "I don't have children." (This response angers me anyways, because what I really want to tell them is about my 5 beautiful children in heaven; but I am afraid of their reaction) Then they respond with a blank stare, they don't know what to say, so they say, "Well what do you do all day?" Now, I realize they are not trying to hurt my feelings, but man oh man they do! It took a while for me to realize this was going to be everyone's response, so I began to use humor. When people would ask those basic questions I began responding with, "Well, I don't have children or a job, so I basically shop and sit around and watch t.v." Then they would stare and wait to see if I was serious, then I would laugh and they would laugh with me and it didn't hurt so bad that way.
I feel like me being me, taking care of my husband and my dog, cleaning the house and cooking is not enough. It doesn't measure up to the world's standards of having enough purpose. I have struggled with this issue for the past 3 years, and I think it is so wrong! Why do we have to be measured by our job or how many children we have raised? Society makes us believe that if we don't have either, than we aren't worth much.
I was reminded yesterday at church about how much we are worth! We are worth so much more than what we do or what we have. An occupation or being a mom doesn't define who we are. God made us each in His image, exactly the way He wanted to make us. We are all different with various spiritual gifts. As Christians, we are called to so much more. We are called to love unconditionally, give to those who need, care for those who are hurting, and give compassion when it is due.
I have never felt as fulfilled as I do today. I concentrate on helping other women who struggle with infertility and walk along side moms who lose their babies. I love to dream about the future, and what I can do to help. This is a different me, a changed me. I used to only dream about being a mom. I thought having children was the only thing that would make me feel complete and fulfilled. Don't get me wrong, I still have a huge burning desire to be a mom! It just isn't the only thing that drives me every day. I don't wake up fixated on getting to that point in my life. I have realized if I live that way, life will pass me by. I now appreciate Ferrari so much more, I appreciate the time we have just the two of us. I know one day, it won't just be the two of us and that will be amazing! I know I am worth so much more and so are you! Don't let other's thoughts or perceptions about you get under your skin. I guarantee they don't know how much they are hurting you, because they don't walk in your shoes. Instead, focus on who you are and where your are in life; because God has you here in this place for a reason, so relish in His glorious and perfect plan!
Our Church's prayer for the week:
God, allow me to see others the way you see them.
God, allow me to see myself the way you see me.